PEARCATS

The I position on a cruise ship, dry and wet
It will always bring a smile to my lips
To think about those days spent on the cruise ship
Kissing men, kissing girls, and falling in love with neither
Seeing the same shapes rocking back and forth, there was no easy answer

Blond, future soldiers wielded trumpets and chased after the youth
Champagne was bought with the thrill of theft as loot, lines were crossed
Promises unkept, but neither could unlock the lips sealed with passion, wet

Tennis on top of the mountains
Green Cuba, nighttime stairwell cigarette half-truth confessions
Spoiled kids tan from the sun, loose from Swedish massages
Headed to the captain's deck for disco, nervous virgins

Seaweed showers with the last Don, whose acorn dick was confusing
In between seven course meals, drunk before they started
Bored and smoking by the end, bloody fried chicken, balls in the soup regardless answered questions
Pick your poison, unleash your passion, just don’t ever stand

The surreal Key West shocking after Cozumel hangovers drug midlife crushes of
Jamaican Annie from the Caymans down below
Hold on to me and never let my eyes rest on another's flesh
But take your hand off of mine, destroy the memory of our misplaced lust like Pompeii
We'll find it years later, preserved under ash and use it to learn about life so the
miles are redeemed after all, let us hope

Ten years later it's eight since I came back to live it all on dry land
That smile burned into my mind rides two lips shotgun next to half-committed
wives of 305-786 zips and some of the last artificial metaphysical trips
Family accordions and stakes driven in the earth ripped up in freedom by hands unchained
All consequences obscured still, but only to those still convinced and afraid
"I want", "I need", "I can't", "I'm not"
Fear is surrounded by a sea of I's
All which point, which jeer, and are desperate to drown, condemn convict and ruin
Avoid as many I's as possible, not the written I, not the sound of the word
But the ‘I-position’ so to speak
Avoid all pictures posed for, and all non-organic smiles
Rather, seek shelter in the slight discomfort
shower, nobody’s watching you today

Yes, I'm jealous of you

I'm jealous of your adoration
I'm jealous of your blind love
Of the quick kisses which bring quick smiles
And the insignificant time spent getting ready for a late-night walk

I'm jealous of the extra effort spent to put love into actions
I'm jealous of the next man to marvel at your omelets
I still can't believe what I know

I'm jealous of your position to leave someone who wants you more
And of your sincerity in thinking leaving was the right door
I'm jealous of your desire for someone else
(I wonder if you'll even notice it's not me), no

Don't fall in love with me because I'm not available for comment
The meaning is only ever a side-effect
Meaning as a cause is intellect, a constipated wish-list
A retro-fore-hind-nothingness
It has to feel fucking good, be beautiful or both
Reasons can't exist, looking forward can't exist
Time will prove the truth and you'll have to keep burying it, or get back to it and work harder
Don't -ist or -ism me, leave me plain and let me breath
Let me let you be too please thank you
Neither of us wants the fuss anyways
Least not while I’m hangry and too hurt to cry

Candy drops from the sky
Children spinning in circles eyes open
Reaching up and hoping
Birds chasing, birds mating

Some furious flight and excitement
Same with bugs and lizards and fish it seems
Horses and lost pony dreams
Turned to donkeys and fell on old fences

Hurts to walk and too expensive to eke a living
Purse strings dangling off bare shoulders
Gleaming honey milk skin glowing light shone
Moving in fluid contrast swing boulders that'll crush bones

Several hours later the rushes have ran
The kids are all tired
All found treasure buried once more under sand

Each day slipping away
Around the corner it went
Looking for a place to sit
Dreaming of a carpet ride
Kind of like my bride

Hard nose spaghetti hair
Beautiful sadness dry
Apricot questions why?
A book after reading passed
The gist missed perceiving last

Arabian nicknames deferred
Pale blond with racial lust
Short fit blue eyes look up
Feel pretty enough to control
Hyperbole, the sex, I know

Edwell, my brother blushed
He got what he asked for plus
What was never quite considered
But came right with it
A beautiful disarming crutch

The questions which are wrought
By those whom usually answer
Go unresolved and cancer
The very air that's breathed
Mistaken calamity breeds

Regional music serves
Fresh faces and fruit at home
Ground roots in tea alone
Filled with warmth and merry
Culture to the bone, all the world to marry

Breathe in thick air heavy
Taste it, remember the impression
Catch the train, on time, eleven
Even the birds are Latin in Miami
Speaking literally and dashed in front of me

Friends resurfacing daily
Crap removed and treasure found
Part work part wandering sound
Though most is honestly written
Which is nothing close to "fenced in"

I am involved
At least, I offer my sincere assurance I see the beauty in what you do
In you

The myriad of differences we hold
I'm a fan of your holdings, your cutest face is when youʼre annoyed, I was drawn
In by your most beautiful look, you
While contemplating the first sip of a cocktail, I
"Fell in love"

Out of love when my recklessness became reflective and you saw my humanity
Betrayed by such pretty eyes, uncaring
I died inside, you played cards
We folded, game lost

So many love affairs
Why pick these three
To tell? Because, they
Spell a life

One happened between K and C, K and K,
and F and K
None were true. K liked their womanity
They, dumb boys/men

Two happen’d between K and AM, K and A,
and K and B
Sex is not enough, to convince a man
He needs a wife

Three happen’d between K and S, K and F,
and K and L
Once poured, spilled
Drank, and passed, away

How do you love a person?
Not in many ways tried
Not in not trying either
Though, that maybe a lie

Maybe the best love
I’ve ever known
I took for granted strait-
away, I was home

And out in the ocean
I swam and swam deep
The deeper I traveled
The more I did weep

Night’s precious hours
could not satiate
The forbidden flower
Sweet to touch and to taste

Cut out from beneath you
A wide gash did deal
To escape your nightmare
To not know what’s real

Typical form bared
With first nature’s roar
Me too but it’s different
For you I was born

But I’ve been left orphaned
To be raised by the world
Kept alive by some mercy
Harsh like a rake, rare as a pearl

How do I love a person?
And when I could, you?
And why is it better
Now that we’re through?

No longer convinced
It would ever work
No longer am missed
But no thank you world

I don’t want your women
I don’t want your men
Rather not be wearing
This mind or this skin

So harsh to be loved
And so harsh to fail
There’s some room in my
Room, hurry, On Sale

How do you love a person?
By living uncompromisingly
Striving always for
Truth, with
Joy is real

Your influence gem, shining bright
In each and every day, all moments, all nights
The flick of some switch, a breaker thrown within
This light which, still beaming, illumines this guy
Who would have known? Providence and low-brass
Sneaking in and out of home, home a term gone, now passed
None knew the extent, least not you
I assumed too much in deep space
And time changed the shape of this world
Our new eyes perceiving a new place anew
We traveled and followed no map, knew not where we went
Even hard to say what day exactly it did end
Held together by a prayers unspoken
By human lips, but by heart murmurs and palpitations of spirit
We almost found ourselves finding each other once again
We did
And Iʼm thankful, that weariness never set in
Fatigue never buckled knees, no stones laid yet
This is freedom we know presently
Free from any past and any future too
Iʼm happy to know you and I am still trying to
Now each chance crossing resembles a first meeting
As far as Iʼm concerned, we can keep to ourselves

For the people who drink the coffee bean water everyday
Does the piss-smell and brown-stain disappear in the medium-grey
Of office fluorescence and newspaper trails
Covered up by musk for men and pleasures for feminine smells
Redefined in casual apparel, blue collar burdens
Commuter half-life loss and income tax evasion
Social security paid to the babies of post-WW2 boom
Who got their finger in the pie while we're drowning in oil-drum blues
Milked with crude methods of consumer exploitation
Juiced by ecological propa-mediation
Grooming us for continued inefficient energy usage
Obese kids on You-Tube gawking at celebrity-gossip-fodder the body and mind can't use
Like trans-fat oils in popcorn
And Girl Scout cookies sold by the fist full
Images branded in the subconscious
Emergency evacuation plans and color-coded terrorist outfits
Across the nation's swollen belly, stretched impossibly thin
And fraying at the edges like morning TV personalities by the weekend
Try to get out and have a little fun
And end up overdrawn on the defense, puffy-faced, and low on clothes without pit stains
Trying to bend time and space to fit the crummy aesthetics your social scenery spoon feeds you by the plate
Gerber-intellectual-dummy-hacks
When was the last time you dug up something great
Dusted it off and cataloged it in history
Stuck it on Gregory Isaacs's African museum label, or on Random House's project docket paper
Playing the archeologist unlocking the history of collective visions on tape
Via paper and acetate, canvas and the open air of cafes and clubs
Between friends and lovers, family members and God above?

It is written like NaS said, written in our minds, in the skies, in Lawrence of Arabia's eyes
The head of every lonesome soul walking in the night time air
Lost in their head, running scared from life
Building on a shred of inner strength and fear, acknowledging the scope of the world vs. man's enormousness
Trying to harness the will and discipline to overcome the current zeitgeist, and move on to fresh bodies of water to nourish the
flesh and rejuvenate the spirit
Embattled, hopeful, weary, and too close to quit
Substance to fill the emptiness inside
Openness to eliminate stagnation deprived
I'm not always able to succeed
And I catch myself running in the darkness haunted by the unseen
Frozen and captive by a numbness past
Self-repair on the edge careening out of control
Out of my mind and out of time
Each passing hour takes its toll on my feeble soul
Loved ones whisper unknown words behind closed doors
What I have to give has been rejected, and even my overtures for reconciliation are being tested
Stripped of my ego, my bullshit, and my charm
Legs wobbly, intellect defeated, and manhood in great harm
I pray and I surrender because on my own I can't go on
Each and every moment a test of faith
I'll make my way one day, I'll be gone